Don't Leave Me With These Friggin' Kids

Long time, no post. Surprise! We have kids in our home now :)

Here's a little catch-up: We have been in the adoption process for about 2 years. We have always wanted children, and were both very open to adopting. Back in Summer/Fall 2015, my wife and I were perusing our state's adoption registry site, and came upon a sibling pair who were up for adoption. Immediately, we both felt in our hearts that these are our children, and nothing could change our minds. And here's the kicker: they're teens (well, at the time they were 11 and 13. Now they're 13 and 15). We set to work requesting information about state adoption, and officially started the long process in October 2015.

Over the next couple years, we went through the required courses, the arduous home study process, and hundreds of emails to our case worker. Almost weekly, I would bug our case worker asking about the sibling pair. Sometimes I would get a reply saying to wait for XYZ to be completed, despite the countless deadlines we met with our paperwork and the heart-wrenching waiting game we were forced to play. Heck, on more than one occasion, our case worker would say, "Aren't there any OTHER kids you're interested in? There's so many people asking about those two."

Needless to say, we were frustrated and devastated on a constant basis. Luckily, we had the endless support of family, friends, our cats, and one another to lean on through the difficult times.

Finally, in January 2017, we were assigned a different case worker, who was touted as an adoption queen. Almost immediately, she set to work contacting and visiting us, gathering all the info she could on us, and reached out to the children's case worker herself. Then, in April 2017, we found ourselves sitting at a roundtable discussion with our case worker, their case worker, the regional adoption coordinator, the family therapist, the children's therapist, and their foster dad. Maybe even the janitor, I don't know.

We went in without any high hopes; we figured, "Well, here goes yet ANOTHER fruitless meeting where they tell us we need to jump through a few more flaming hoops." Boy, were we wrong.

Less than an hour later, after we had discussed our concerns, any concerns from the children or any parties present, the regional adoption coordinator looked at us and asked, "So what are you doing next weekend?" Needless to say, we weren't expecting that. Our puzzled faces probably said it all. She clarified, "How about like...3 hours with the children to take them to lunch or something?" We wholeheartedly agreed to clear our schedules and make time for that.

The next question floored us even more. "What about the next weekend for 8 hours; basically the day?" Yes.

"And how about the next weekend? Maybe an overnight Saturday to Sunday?" YES PLEASE!

"Then the next weekend, you get them for the whole weekend: Friday through Sunday." YAAAASSSS QUEEEEEN!

Nothing could have prepared us for the next statement. Keep in mind, this meeting was in late April.

"And then June 1st for the move-in date."

"What?" Was our reply. "Like...they move in to our house?"

"Yep, and then they'll live with you and start school in your area in the fall."

This was a dream come true. We left and called our families weeping tears of joy for this opportunity. It was finally happening. Almost 2 years trying for THESE kids; 2 years of crying happy tears when we saw their pictures; countless replays of their horribly-filmed segment on the weekly adoption plug from a news channel in Atlanta. And now we were finally going to spend time with them.

We spent the next few weeks with them and set about prepping their rooms and getting them pimped in out preparation for the big move-in! We got them cool furniture, found out things they liked and filled their room with anything and everything we could that linked to those things. We were so ready for this...weren't we?

I'll preface this next part by reminding everyone that everything in life has its ups and downs.

Our kids are incredibly smart. Our son, the 14 year-old, is a whiz with technology (sometimes) and loves sharing what he knows (at length). The issue here is that he has the social skills of a wet rock. He doesn't pick up on social cues or societal norms, so oftentimes he acts very rude and condescending when he says something, or tries to correct us on things, or doesn't realize when one of us is upset with him. Naturally, when he corrects us, I'm very quick to remind him we're twice his age and have way more experience with things than he does. My wife has had to point out to him that he sometimes seems to value technology more than connecting with us.

Our daughter, the 13 year-old, is incredibly affectionate and loves doing crafts. However, she has a bad habit of acting entitled at times, usually when we buy her things. Other times, she only acts affectionate or interested in what we are doing when she wants something from us. Our biggest hurdle, and the one that hurts me the most, is that sometimes she gets more excited about her old foster mother than she does about us and her brother.

We understand the situation completely: they were with this family for 5 years and only just recently met us, so it's natural to feel more inclined towards the familiar. However, a few times when she was upset with us, she called them mom and dad and said she wants to go back. I'm pretty sure I avoided her like the plague for a day and a half because it cut me deep.

Our son, on the other hand, was already considering himself part of our family, even from the first visit. He's an awkward turtle and runs like Frankenstein's monster, but he's been devoted to us from the start.

Please understand, our issue isn't with our daughter's connection with her foster parents; we encourage it and understand it. Our issue is when she acts indifferent towards us, but then she brings up her foster mother and acts like that lady's sh!t doesn't stink.

I don't want to trash-talk anyone, but I'm going to: foster parents are paid pretty well by the state to take care of these kids. When we hung out with our kids before the move-in, and during the overnights, we noticed our daughter's shoes were so worn out that they were talking; our son's underoos and socks were too small and had holes; the same can be said for our daughter's clothing; our daughter is 13, and is starting to hit puberty, but only had one or two little girl's halter...bra...things, and no real bras; our son had hand-me-down oversized clothing; the foster home itself had no A/C on at all, with mattresses on the floor for the foster dad/foster mother's parents to nap on; the foster mother apparently slept 16 hours a day and made our daughter rub her feet/shoulders to "show respect;" our son's room was reminiscent of Harry Potter's cupboard, but it was upstairs; and the kids were only ever told to really clean or stay in their rooms a majority of the day and never did anything fun. Let me also say this: our kids' older brother was also in this foster home, generating another source of income for this foster family (who had two kids of their own since having our kids).

Now, please tell me how the foster mother can afford a phone costing around $1000 after taxes, can take trips to Morocco, leave our kids in respite care over their own birthdays, but can't even buy our daughter a real bra or our son underwear that fits. And now tell me how our daughter thinks the sun shines out the foster mother's back side and is indifferent to us most of the time.

Needless to say, we've had our problems. That's not to say it's all yelling all day every day. We have fun, and we love them dearly. Most days, we are all cuddled up on the couch watching funny shows or working on puzzles and teaching them to cook. Heck, I take our son to the gym now and he loves it! We got them both registered in school. We take them exploring and shopping and take them to church with us. In other words: we act like their parents because we are their parents.

The main point of this post wasn't to vent and fuss; that was a nice byproduct, though. The main point is to say that parenting is tough, and we see that. Parenting teens is a whole other beast in itself. Hormones rage, words fly, feelings are hurt, and we are all stubborn and set in our ways. But we are also sarcastic and poke fun at one another and love one another and laugh together.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to just press on sometimes. Sure, your kids may be mad now, but later they won't be. If something goes wrong, you sometimes just have to say, "Whoops" and move on. It gets better.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in this whole process, in my short couple months as a new and sudden parent, is to try not to lose my temper and speak when I'm angry. Even if it takes me a day to get past something hurtful, I have to make time to discuss the problems and my feelings logically with them, and then end it all with many long hugs to let them know I love them so very much. At the end of the day, you're raising the adults they'll be later, not just the children they are now.

Kittens Galore

So, recently, Bethany and I have taken to fostering kittens. Essentially, we take in kittens/adult cats and care for them until they can get adopted through a local agency. Our first batch was a mama cat (about a year old) and her three kittens (we got them when they were about 10 weeks or so). They're so cute! We gave them different names, of course, but the adoption papers have their old names on them. They are all tuxedos (so cute) and the mama cat is really sweet and protective of her kittens! So far, two of the three kittens have been adopted (to loving homes) and we have one of her kittens (we call him Sashimi) and the mama cat (we call her Edamame). The ones who were adopted already, we called Sushi and Pishi (all Japanese food names, except Pishi...which is Farsi for kitty...my idea of course). 
We also recently got another mama cat (about 2 or 3 years old) and her 5 kittens (all about 5 weeks old). The mama cat was going to be turned over to the pound while she was pregnant, and the neighbors couldn't handle that so they took the mama into their house. Unfortunately, they couldn't keep her and the kittens, so we get to care for them (and name the kittens!!!)! We are loving this foster cat gig, and seeing how our own cats enjoy the company of other kitties.
In short, all this makes us really grateful to our Heavenly Father for helping us provide a loving home for each of these little wonders, and ensure that they are cared for and adopted by terrific families. We definitely feel that each cat under our roof is a little blessing in our lives, and love taking care of each one. As I'm typing this, Edamame (Xena) is walking around the kitchen chirping to herself, while Sashimi (Apollo) is sleeping on the vanity. 
Of course, this is half a post to update everyone on our awesome situation, and half a shameless plug for kitten adoption. If anyone is interested in them, let us know!
Until next time, God bless!

Wow it's been way too long

So I clicked the link for my blog this morning and realized I haven't posted in....a long time. Several months, in fact. So here we go...

I finally got an ALS date so I'll be able to sew on SSgt very soon!!! This has been both an exciting and a trying time. Exciting because I finally get to put on E-5, but trying because I'm about 2 hours from home, so I don't get to see Bethany or the kitties as often as I'd like. It has been quite a fun TDY, though (also, while at ALS I found out that TDY stands for Temporary Duty Yonder, so acronyms are in olde english I guess). I've gotten to meet people from other career fields around the Air Force, and get to find out a little more about what they all do. We got to play dodgeball yesterday with the 1st Sgts as well, which was quite a rush! (We won, of course). 

We discovered Abbey's birthday was May 1st as well, since I've been here, thanks to an email from PetSmart :) I love our cats so much, and the other day, I was told that Libby (our oldest) had tried to make a run for it! Bethany is convinced that Libby was on her way to try to find me. Made me feel quite loved...I could just imagine her getting tired of scurrying and sticking her paw out to hitchhike. Huey is still a jerk...but he's cute sometimes, so that's a plus :p

The plus side to ALS is that I get to come home on the weekends, so I've gotten to see Bethany and the kitties for a couple days each week! The best was last weekend. We were supposed to do a volunteer event on a saturday morning, so I told Bethany I'd be coming home saturday instead of friday. At the end of the day on Friday, they told us that the event had been cancelled for us. I didn't tell Bethany this fact. We did go bowling as a class that night, but right after the first set, I made a bee-line straight for home. I had Bethany convinced the whole time that I wasn't even in my car, but was "working on a surprise" for her. She was hanging out at our friends' apartment, so I went right over there and knocked on the door. They assumed they were just being loud and I was a neighbor coming to tell them to quiet down (yes, my wife is loud, but not that loud ;) ). The husband had opened the door, blocking me from Bethany's view. You can imagine Bethany's surprise at seeing me step into their apartment! I feel like I really made her night with that (I love you baby).

Side note: the best part of ALS is that I get to graduate 10 days before our first anniversary :D

I realize there have been many more happenings and events since my last post, but I doubt I could fit everything here. So for now, I hope you all have enjoyed my updates!

Awesome Week

Like the title says, it's been a pretty awesome week. Back in June, I tested for promotion to E5, and after so many long weeks of worrying that I wouldn't make the cut, stressing myself (and probably Bethany) about it, the results came out on Thursday and my name was on it! I was so excited and relieved, I didn't know what to do or say but smile. Last night her parents took us out to dinner at Villa Europa to celebrate the occasion, and that was delicious as always. 

Just today, we finished up the Book of Mormon as a couple, so another great accomplishment to check off! We found a chapter tracker on pinterest back in June and decided to use it to keep track of where we were, and mark off if we read any away from home. 

On a different note, we have definitely been more appreciative of the love we have for one another. Some of our friends have recently been having difficulties in their own marriages, and we have tried to help our respective counterparts. It definitely takes a toll on your spirit when you try to communicate the severity and depth of choices that are being made in a spiritual sense. I have come home several nights emotionally drained because of how seriously I personally and spiritually take divorce conversations. I can not help but feel the pain of both parties in these couples during this time. But at the end of the day, I know that I have an amazing wife, and while she may say or do things that irritate or upset me, she is my wife, my eternal companion, and my best friend. I made a commitment to her to help make this marriage work, and I appreciate everything she does in helping to do the same, even if I don't readily recognize her efforts. Marriage takes two people working together. Soul mates are a myth. You have to make a marriage work. You have to learn to love and accept your spouse, faults and all. That is a true measure of your love for them. 

Off that darker note, all in all, I have grown more to appreciate that I have a loving supportive wife and family. I am so thankful for my chance to be selected for promotion on my first time testing. I won't stop moving forward in my ambitions for my Air Force career. Next stop, E6!

Hope all is well with you all!

Our fantastic reading tracker :)

Selected for promotion!

And my next goal 

So what's new?

This past week has been a bit hectic for us, but we thank God that we have gotten through it so blessed. On Monday, my lovely wife met me at the gym after I got out of class. However, both of us had forgotten to bring a towel to use (silly Army rules), so we decided to drive to the Commissary and the PX. When she got out of her car to ride with me there, though, she closed her door and then remembered her keys were in the ignition (the car was off, no worries). So it sat there overnight and thankfully her dad had given me a set of keys for her car so she rode with me the next morning and I dropped her off at her car and unlocked it for her before I went to class.
Tuesday she wasn't feeling well at all, and our home teachers came over and helped me give her a blessing. She felt great for the rest of the night and we got to enjoy the company of one of her close friends at our house for a bit. After she left, however, Bethany felt incredibly ill again and was running a fever and feeling chills, so I popped the thermostat up to 75 (I'd keep it in the low 60's if she'd let me, mind you) and piled all the blankets and towels we had on her, and gave her a cold wet rag to put on her forehead to try to break her fever. Even though I sweat the entire night, I was glad to be willing to do whatever it took to help her feel better. The next morning, I wouldn't have been surprised if her temperature was 100 or more. I went to work and kept worrying about her, and as I was emailing her, I felt more and more anxious to take her to a doctor, so I was allowed to leave class (it was a review day for our final, nothing huge) and sped home, talked her into going at least to the Urgent Care clinic near our house (she has an aversion to doctors), and took her there. They ruled out strep, and sent a couple samples off to be tested, and gave her a couple fun shots in the hiney and set her up with some antibiotics to treat any kind of infection she might have. Luckily her fever had broken by this time so that helped my feelings a lot. I'm thankful that I got to be there to hold her hand, make her laugh, and generally hold her and comfort her when she got squirmy. She is feeling much better now, and I know it is because of a mix of the blessing and the doctor's treatment/medicine that is helping her.
That same day, our youngest kitten Huey was scheduled to get his first round of shots, so he got a couple shots in the hiney as well, so he and Bethany got to commiserate.
We did get some of our wedding pictures back this week as well, so we have been ooh-ing and ahh-ing over those constantly :) I love seeing pictures of my gorgeous wife on our wedding day. Every time I look at them, I am reminded of the feelings of joy and love I had for her after we were married. It is my goal to keep showing her that I love her so much every day that I wake up next to her, and how eternally grateful I am that she said yes to my proposal on November 20th. She supports me and loves me and does so much to help me and I can't ever thank her enough.

Just catchin' up!

Just to catch up with my bloggin' cause I've been lazy about it!

On the 3rd, my gorgeous wife and I went to watch the fireworks with her parents, which was pretty fun. We had red velvet funnel cake (delish) and the rain managed to stop for an hour; just long enough for them to shoot off all the awesome fireworks. It took close to an hour to make it back home through all the traffic, but it was worth it. 

For the 4th of July, we went to Bethany's parents' house and had amazing ribs, baked beans, deviled eggs, potato salad, and my fantastic wife made a cheesecake with cherries, blueberries, and whipped cream on top in the form of the American Flag! I was sure full after all that. 

For the 5th and 6th, we went to Alabama to visit a bit with my grandparents and spend some time there. I took Bethany to Sumo for delicious sushi, then to World Market because she had never been to one before, and she practically lost her mind in there! It was so cute watching her zip from one thing to the next excited about everything in the store :) We got a chance to see the Birmingham Temple as well while we were there (it's right next to their stake center...lucky people :p )

We came back on the 6th and started cleaning up the house, especially the guest bathroom (previously known as the cat litter room), so we now have a guest bathroom! And I got to hang a sign on the door (that we bought from World Market) that says 'Water Closet.'

As I'm typing this, Bethany and I are listening to The Eternal Blessings of Marriage, by Richard G. Scott, and I highly recommend it!

Well, that should catch us up for a little bit. 

But I would like to take a couple minutes to say that my wife is priceless. She is more than I ever wanted and much more than I deserve in a wife and eternal companion. I am grateful every day for her being in my life and I thank my Heavenly Father for the opportunity to even meet her in this lifetime. I love you, Bethany :)

I have a few minutes

I have a few minutes to spare before I leave for work, and wanted to use them to say that I LOVE MY WIFE!!!

She is amazing, wonderful, beautiful, breathtakingly gorgeous, spectacular, my eternal companion, and my best friend. I am so very thankful every day to be able to say she is my wife. I feel lucky every time I wake up and she's right there next to me, being smokin hot as always. She supports me emotionally when I need it most, and is always reminding me that we should read our scriptures, because she knows I get so wrapped up in the day that I sometimes lose sight of what's important. Families are an integral part of Heavenly Father's plan, and I thank Him every day that she and I are together that we may one day start a family together. I love you Bethany, so very much, and appreciate you for all you do for me.